There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
