Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
