I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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