I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
