I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
