i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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