i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
