Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All the doctor said was why
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
