I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize