Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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