I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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