i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
