My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
