he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
