I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
