I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
