Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
