it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
