i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
