have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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