I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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