I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
