I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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