dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
