People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
