dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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