Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
