I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found puke in my bra..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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