He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
