so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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