He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
