You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
