i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
