I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
