Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
ok first of all what the fuck
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
