i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
