true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
