i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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