that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
