I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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