you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
