dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
