dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
