I think my vagina is haunted
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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