please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
