u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
