im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
