I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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