Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
