what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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