Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am mentally ready for anal.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
