you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
