Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
