Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
