the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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