So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
