I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
