I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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