theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
