I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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