is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
why do cheetos always look like penises
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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