what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Four minutes until I can fart!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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