I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
