We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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