I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
