FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
