I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
