The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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