I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize