Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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