So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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