I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
