I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
